Enriching lives through participation in music
Music Therapy Services of West Music
Music to Build Trust
11/02/23
In a music therapy session, music therapists like to use client preferred music to work towards our goals. I always like to give my clients a choice of songs and artists, which may look like them requesting songs by name, having a list written down or me giving them options to choose from. Using their preferred music builds rapport and is familiar which can be comforting or motivating. So what happens when a client says something like….. “You can choose” or “Play something that you like.” ?
"It is a beautiful responsibility to choose something that will be helpful for them. Maybe it could be helpful to process some emotions, gain insight into their situation or personal growth, or to bring comfort and peace. When a client feels safe and supported enough to trust me to choose, I don’t want to break that trust."
Well, these words get the wheels in my head spinning. I start to go through a mental flowchart to figure out what song I should choose for them. I first start to assess if my patient is just tired of making decisions or struggling to think of song titles, which may mean that I choose from songs or artists that I know are preferred. Sometimes, they say that they really want something new or more recent; in which case, my mind starts to race through the possibilities. You’d never know it though, I smile and calmly start to scroll through the songs on my iPad, but inside the wheels of my mind are turning and going into overdrive. I rapidly begin to process through everything that I know about my patient, their day so far, past and current emotional states, and music preferences. I don’t just play the first song that I see or the song that’s been stuck in my head; to me, it is a beautiful responsibility to choose something that will be helpful for them. Maybe it could be helpful to process some emotions, gain insight into their situation or personal growth, or to bring comfort and peace. When a client feels safe and supported enough to trust me to choose, I don’t want to break that trust. My hope is that I pick something that will resonate with them and help our therapeutic relationship grow even more. It’s really special when a client expresses that a song that I chose was exactly what they needed or helped them shift into a different preferred emotional state.
In music therapy, a music therapist facilitates using music to build trust between them and their clients; but have you ever considered how you could use music to build your own self-trust? When choosing what music to listen to you have opportunity to validate your own emotions and learn how to better trust that you know what you need.
The next time you turn to music to cope, I invite you to take a few minutes to assess what music would be the most helpful to you. I’ve adapted just a few of the questions that run through my mind when choosing music for a client into questions that you can use to check in with yourself:
- What am I feeling or what style of music will match where am at right now?
- Is the sound of the music (instrumentation, tone, tempo, and rhythm) or the lyrics more important to me? (Maybe both are important, that’s okay!)
- What emotions or themes are showing up in my life? (Joy, hope, family, sadness, loss, etc)
- Are there songs that I’ve been gravitating towards and what might they be telling me about what I need?
- Do I need comforting and soothing or do I need to challenge myself in some way?
By practicing checking in with yourself before turning on music, you might find that you don’t need to jump between radio stations, playlists, or hit the skip song button quite as much. You might be able to move through difficult emotions a little more easily and trust yourself - you know what’s good for you. And maybe, after lots of practice, you’ll find that checking in with yourself and acknowledging your needs feels more like intuition.
